Taking back control

Anxiety can occur when our instincts feel we do not have enough control over our physical and mental safety.

To reduce and remove anxiety we need to react. Take action. Our instincts put us in a state of readiness, the que to leave this state is an action. Either deal with the issue or distance yourself from it.

Now is the time to take action. To put ourselves back in the driving seat.

When we were very young if things were not going our way we would instantly express this. Have a tantrum, shout and express ourselves.

As we grow older and become socialised we see this is not always appropriate. Many people learn other more subtle and acceptable strategies. If we feel we are not as worthy as others we can tend to just not express our feelings. To keep them pushed down inside. This can be unacceptable to our instincts.

Our deepest level of self comes from our Instincts

The beliefs, experiences and memories we hold as true for the longest time sediment down through our levels of consciousness.

The deeper these are the more foundational they become in our personality and the harder they are to change.

At a young age we may have built some beliefs that helped us get through tough times. Beliefs set by example from our parents. These may not always be well balanced, correct or appropriate.

Long established behavioral habits are hard to change.

Example:

Our parents had a hard up bringing in a very poor life. They were not given much love and attention as the focus was on survival. This was the example of parent hood they learned, so became the same sort of parents themselves.

If parents do not treat their children with much value the child does not value themselves. Kids have blind faith and belief in their parents. If treated poorly feel that is what they deserve and blame themselves, not their parents. This leads to low self esteem. The feeling that they are not as worthy as everyone else. They do not deserve to be treated equally. They will not assert themselves as much as others. Will accept being exploited and trodden over more readily.

As life goes on they notice a difference between themselves and others. The more in the moment decision making mind will start to mask this or find irrational reasons why its ok. Why others are actually bad for being the way they are and that saying nothing is the better approach.

In a conversation a low self esteem person can find themselves being less assertive, agreeing a lot with others, smiling and nodding when they do not necessarily agree.

As the yes’s and nods go on you can feel your energy being sucked out. Often this has been done for so long its not even noticed. It starts to appear as anxiety or depression that comes apparently from no where.

These long term habits of passivity then become normal BUT not to our deepest and most protective level of consciousness. OUR INSTINCTS.

Before you can ‘take back your power’ you need to realise your own true value and place – One of an equal.

• Go into social situations as an equal.
• Remind yourself you are as worthy as anyone else.
• Stand tall and proud.

At first this will feel awkward and strange. Remember you are not asking for more than anyone else just equality.

If possible be honest but light. If a friend talks for too much of the conversation ask them if you can make your point. Keep it light and easy. Make a joke of them hogging the conversation. Work out some good techniques to keep things equal. Do not get angry at anyone. Like in anything there will be people you can connect with more than others. Often these are the people you are most similar to and have most in common with.

Realising the situations that cause us problems

Often anxiety and depression can come from our own lack of assertiveness.

Our lack of justified reaction to unjust situations.

• We may be in a relationship where the other person dominates too much.
• At work colleagues may constantly take advantage.
• Or many other situations we leave feeling taken advantage of or overlooked.

If we don’t assert ourselves people will just feel this is how we are and how we are happy being treated. It will become normal. We may even feel this is ok but deep down it may be the source of the problem. It will not be anyone elses fault but our own.

Equalization

One by one these situations should be addressed. This should be done in the right way at the right level. The first stage is to realise these issues exist.

The second stage is figuring out the best way to deal with them.

Getting angry and losing your temper is the wrong way.

Each situation is different but:-

Often just being honest works well. By just saying how you feel  can open many doors. Other may relax and confess their own feelings and problems.

Dont be ashamed and hide your anxiety, own your feelings. They are your feelings and important to you so should also be of importance to your friends.

Take small steps learning how to express yourself. Try things and see how you feel after. Dont suffer in silence. Come up with a strategy, test it and see how well it works. The strategies that work keep and refine.